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I've just recently abandoned a post that was titled "Failure." I decided it was perhaps to negative in nature and probably anything but inspiring or uplifting. If anything it was depressing. It illustrated my thoughts and feelings quite well though at that moment.
These days it seems there are probably quite a few people who could relate to my feelings of discouragement, as life in general is just hard. Whether it be employment, falling short of our dreams, or just the realization of our inadequacy in a number of different things. For me specifically, I have felt like I have underachieved in really any thing that has been put in my path. It sucks really. Starting back in September of last year when Karie and I learned we miscarried, to being released as bishop earlier than planned, not being prepared for obvious challanges, to still not being a father, to falling short to my own expectations at work, to now. I feel like I have fallin' short in any obstacle placed in my way. I hate being "the sick guy." I'm much more than that, but really that's all I'm known for....everywhere. I know Karie deserves a better man, and I can only hope to be that guy. There are a number circumstances out of my control that have made things difficult, but that's no excuse. I have not picked up on things at work the way I know I am capable of. I was unable to manage being bishop, and the unusual heath issues in my path. I missed opportunities to speak, and have frankly been out matched by my trials. It's hard to swallow when we learn that we are never. given any obstacle that we can't overcome...when i feel like I have been overcome by every obstacle in my way.
I hope that I can succeed at something here soon. I'm a talented guy with a lot to offer, but somehow, I've allowed my self to be aced out by the obstacles and challenges that have come in my path.
I hope there is a positive and uplifting blog to follow, but for now I suppose this is my whiny blog.
any advice on how to over come this slump is appreciated. I imagine things will get worse before getting better....but they will get better.
For now here's a tune that illustrates the feeling well.
Gravity - John Mayer
PS - Michael Jackson post to follow
I know you are an incredible person who has only just begun some pretty amazing things because Karie would never have married you if you weren't! Everyone who knows you is pulling for you and hoping that these obstacles will tumble and fall before you very soon. Chin up! you can do it!:) Plus, you've got Karie to help you, and she is one awesome gal!
ReplyDeleteMikey. My prayers are with you. I am so sorry that you are having so much pain and trouble, but I do know that Heavenly Father knows you and loves you and I am sure He has a plan for you. So hang in there and keep your nose in the wind.. That was Grandpa Leon's favorite message. Keep keeping on. I love you, Mikey. Grandma Verda
ReplyDeleteHey Mikey! You can do it, MIkey! Keep holding on to your faith and HOPE! You and Karie are great friends and examples to everyone who knows you. We are on this earth to face challenges and to be refined for a much greater purpose. Don't lose hope . . . . remember when one door closes, another door opens. Usually that door is an even better door! :) I like the saying that we must work as if everything depended upon us, and we must pray as if everything depended upon the Lord. He will open doors to you as you continue to keep the commandments and serve Him. Remember Christ has endured every suffering, including yours and Karie's. He love you and Karie so much, and He wants you to succeed and to be HAPPY. We love you, too! If you ever need a weekend getaway, please come and visit us! xoxo
ReplyDeleteYou know you're like a brother to me and I've always thought so highly of you! Mikey you've always struggled with self esteem because you are a perfectionist and so hard on yourself! You are an awesome guy! You've done amazing things! And if you don't love where you life is, you can always change! I know so many guys who are doctors who at age 30 were like, hey I should start my bachelors if I want to really be a doctor. I'm changing careers after 5 years in, 1/4 way to retirement- no biggie! My dad got his MBA at age 50. There is no time limit! It's so individual! I could whine that I'm not married happily with kids by now, but that's just Satan getting me down. Deep down I know I'm a daughter of God with some killer talents and abilities.
ReplyDeleteTrust me, I know the feeling trials overcome you thing! At my lowest moments I stop and think about only the small things. For example, looking at the I don't haves will kill you. Looking at- I should have this today, hurts. But when I think, "I'm totally making my new favorite food tonight," "a cute boy so smiled at me," "I get to see my nephew," or a myriad of other small things I find myself excited and grateful to be alive! Even when your pain is so great, the Atonement can heal it (I know you know)! Look at the small stuff, and find one thing to be excited about every single day!
And you know I'm ALWAYS good for a pep talk- I owe you a couple!