I've just recently abandoned a post that was titled "Failure." I decided it was perhaps to negative in nature and probably anything but inspiring or uplifting. If anything it was depressing. It illustrated my thoughts and feelings quite well though at that moment.
These days it seems there are probably quite a few people who could relate to my feelings of discouragement, as life in general is just hard. Whether it be employment, falling short of our dreams, or just the realization of our inadequacy in a number of different things. For me specifically, I have felt like I have underachieved in really any thing that has been put in my path. It sucks really. Starting back in September of last year when Karie and I learned we miscarried, to being released as bishop earlier than planned, not being prepared for obvious challanges, to still not being a father, to falling short to my own expectations at work, to now. I feel like I have fallin' short in any obstacle placed in my way. I hate being "the sick guy." I'm much more than that, but really that's all I'm known for....everywhere. I know Karie deserves a better man, and I can only hope to be that guy. There are a number circumstances out of my control that have made things difficult, but that's no excuse. I have not picked up on things at work the way I know I am capable of. I was unable to manage being bishop, and the unusual heath issues in my path. I missed opportunities to speak, and have frankly been out matched by my trials. It's hard to swallow when we learn that we are never. given any obstacle that we can't overcome...when i feel like I have been overcome by every obstacle in my way.
I hope that I can succeed at something here soon. I'm a talented guy with a lot to offer, but somehow, I've allowed my self to be aced out by the obstacles and challenges that have come in my path.
I hope there is a positive and uplifting blog to follow, but for now I suppose this is my whiny blog.
any advice on how to over come this slump is appreciated. I imagine things will get worse before getting better....but they will get better.
For now here's a tune that illustrates the feeling well.
Gravity - John Mayer
PS - Michael Jackson post to follow